Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
