My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
