I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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