he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
