I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize