Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
