Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
