It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize