my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
