Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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