My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
