Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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