Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
