Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
