Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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