Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
