Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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