I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
