just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
