So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
