Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize