In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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