She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
