I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
