You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
