nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize