have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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