hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
