you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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