The maid of honor just puked.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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