A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Im part way to drunk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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