You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
