I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
