my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
