You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
