Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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