I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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