It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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