my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
