I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
