I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
