I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
