Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
