In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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