I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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