So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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