wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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