I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
