My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
