So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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