We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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