I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
