i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
