I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
