hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
