I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
