I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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