I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
