I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
