I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
