This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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