I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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