You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
