i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
