btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
