Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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